Every night before bed, David would kiss my tummy so he could "kiss our babies". So far, I hadn't felt any of the usual signs that my period was coming- no cramps or tenderness. I was really hopeful. My pregnancy test was scheduled for the morning of St. Patrick's Day.
I had my blood taken around 8am and made my way on to work. David called and texted a few times asking, "Anything yet?". I was excited, but nervous. I knew it could go either way.
Around 1pm, I got the call, "Jess, I'm so sorry hun....you can stop your progesterone and vivelle patches...please give us a call when you're ready to come back in." Well, the floodgates opened. I remember mumbling like a little girl, "Uh huh...okay. Thank you," and hung up the phone. I went into a private room and called David. G-d bless David, he is always so positive and told me, "We'll just have to keep trying".
How do you keep trying when you have used almost all of your limited insurance coverage, used what savings you'd had to pay for your wedding less than a year ago and are still paying it off. I already worked 6 days a week (Monday through Friday at CIGNA and Saturdays or Sundays in the ER at Henry Mayo). I was tired and feeling hopeless. I had three hours left at work. I knew I had to pull myself together and make it through the rest of the day. My boss passed by my desk and knew from the look on my face what the news had been. He offered to let me go home early. Honestly, I knew going home wasn't going to help and returned to focusing on my work.
Only a select few people knew we were going through IVF. I never posted about "it" specifically on my facebook page. I remember later posting on my facebook page the following:
"Wishes I had the luck of the Irish today."
One of our good friends responded, "Just remember that your life is filled with people who love you and are there for you... dogs too."
Another dear friend who knew what we were going through wrote, "
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Laughter & IVF
Clowning helps IVF patients become pregnant: study
January 14th, 2011 in Medicine & Health / Research
(PhysOrg.com) -- Infertility researchers in Israel have found a 15-minute encounter with a clown immediately after fertility treatment dramatically increased the chances of a successful pregnancy.
Dr. Shevach Friedler an infertility doctor with the Infertility and IVF unit at Assaf Harofeh Medical Center, in Zrifin, Israel, led a study of the effects of a bedside encounter with a professional medical clown on the pregnancy rate of women undergoing in-vitro fertilization (IVF).
Dr. Friedler and colleagues tracked 219 women undergoing IVF treatment at the medical center and, over a period of a year, treated half of them to a medical clown's 15-minute routine of jokes, magic tricks and other clowning immediately after their embryos were implanted. The clown’s routine was created especially for the study by Friedler and a colleague.
The results showed 36.4 percent of women exposed to clowning immediately after embryo transfer became pregnant, while only 20.2 percent of the controls became pregnant. Dr. Friedler said the reason was probably because the clowning reduced the stress of what for many was many years of grueling IVF treatments, but this is not certain. It is also unclear what role, if any, stress may play in the success of IVF treatments.
Dr. Friedler, who is also trained in movement and mime, originally thought of the research after reading about laughter as an anti-stress mechanism. He realized that IVF patients are often extremely stressed, and wondered if relieving that stress through clowning at a crucial moment in the treatment could help.
Dr. Friedler and colleagues conclude that medical clowning may be a beneficial adjunct to IVF treatments and it deserves further investigation. Medical clowning is already used to good effect in hospitals in Europe, Australia, North America and Israel, particularly in children’s hospitals.
Dr. Friedler also pointed out that clowning is “one of the least hazardous interventions in our field.” Other methods of reducing stress could also be investigated. The findings are reported in the journal Fertility and Sterility.
(PhysOrg.com) -- Infertility researchers in Israel have found a 15-minute encounter with a clown immediately after fertility treatment dramatically increased the chances of a successful pregnancy.
Dr. Shevach Friedler an infertility doctor with the Infertility and IVF unit at Assaf Harofeh Medical Center, in Zrifin, Israel, led a study of the effects of a bedside encounter with a professional medical clown on the pregnancy rate of women undergoing in-vitro fertilization (IVF).
Dr. Friedler and colleagues tracked 219 women undergoing IVF treatment at the medical center and, over a period of a year, treated half of them to a medical clown's 15-minute routine of jokes, magic tricks and other clowning immediately after their embryos were implanted. The clown’s routine was created especially for the study by Friedler and a colleague.
The results showed 36.4 percent of women exposed to clowning immediately after embryo transfer became pregnant, while only 20.2 percent of the controls became pregnant. Dr. Friedler said the reason was probably because the clowning reduced the stress of what for many was many years of grueling IVF treatments, but this is not certain. It is also unclear what role, if any, stress may play in the success of IVF treatments.
Dr. Friedler, who is also trained in movement and mime, originally thought of the research after reading about laughter as an anti-stress mechanism. He realized that IVF patients are often extremely stressed, and wondered if relieving that stress through clowning at a crucial moment in the treatment could help.
Dr. Friedler and colleagues conclude that medical clowning may be a beneficial adjunct to IVF treatments and it deserves further investigation. Medical clowning is already used to good effect in hospitals in Europe, Australia, North America and Israel, particularly in children’s hospitals.
Dr. Friedler also pointed out that clowning is “one of the least hazardous interventions in our field.” Other methods of reducing stress could also be investigated. The findings are reported in the journal Fertility and Sterility.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Antagonist Protocol
After the birth control pills, I began the ultrasounds and bloodwork every 2 to 3 days. February 20, 2011- injections began. My protocol included 300 IU follistim in the am and 150 IU menopur in the pm. I was already familiar with the follistim pen, so that part was a piece of cake. The menopur is another story...
Learning to draw the saline and mix was not the easiest for me. David had to initially help. I remember him pulling the syringe back too far, and as a result the medicine was lost. Between the two of us, I think we lost 2 vials. Two vials may not seem like much. But, for anyone who has gone through IVF (or is getting ready to), they would understand- each vial retails for approximately $80!
Drawing up the menopur was not the only hard part. Injecting it was. The instructions had not been that clear, and I had to use a 1 1/2" needle to inject it. The result- blood everywhere.
We later learned that I was supposed to switch out the "needle" part for a 1/2" needle. Once we learned that, the process was much easier.
In addition to follistim and menopur, Dr. Buyalos had me take omnitrope. Omnitrope is a human growth hormone and is used (experimentally) to help with egg development. A lot of pharmacies sell it for approximately $800, and I was able to get it through my mail order program for $490. I had to take the omnitrope every two days for a total of four injections.
I stayed on follistim (300) and menopur (150) for 9 days. David and I also took the ZPac for 6 days. I had two days of ganirelix to hold off ovulation (02/27 and 02/28). On the 9th day, I triggered with Novarel (HCG).
Egg retrieval was on Wednesday, 03/02/2011. The next day, I received a call from Dr. Buylos that we had 6 fertilized embryos. Three days later, 3 were transferred. Of the three remaining embryos, we were only able to freeze one.
Here is a pic of our embroys from our first IVF cycle (3 were IVF and 3 were ICSI):
Learning to draw the saline and mix was not the easiest for me. David had to initially help. I remember him pulling the syringe back too far, and as a result the medicine was lost. Between the two of us, I think we lost 2 vials. Two vials may not seem like much. But, for anyone who has gone through IVF (or is getting ready to), they would understand- each vial retails for approximately $80!
Drawing up the menopur was not the only hard part. Injecting it was. The instructions had not been that clear, and I had to use a 1 1/2" needle to inject it. The result- blood everywhere.
We later learned that I was supposed to switch out the "needle" part for a 1/2" needle. Once we learned that, the process was much easier.
In addition to follistim and menopur, Dr. Buyalos had me take omnitrope. Omnitrope is a human growth hormone and is used (experimentally) to help with egg development. A lot of pharmacies sell it for approximately $800, and I was able to get it through my mail order program for $490. I had to take the omnitrope every two days for a total of four injections.
I stayed on follistim (300) and menopur (150) for 9 days. David and I also took the ZPac for 6 days. I had two days of ganirelix to hold off ovulation (02/27 and 02/28). On the 9th day, I triggered with Novarel (HCG).
Egg retrieval was on Wednesday, 03/02/2011. The next day, I received a call from Dr. Buylos that we had 6 fertilized embryos. Three days later, 3 were transferred. Of the three remaining embryos, we were only able to freeze one.
Here is a pic of our embroys from our first IVF cycle (3 were IVF and 3 were ICSI):
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Choices to make
As mentioned in my profile, I am a runner. This was what was to be my fourth year coaching SOAR, a group of at-risk adolescents training for the Los Angeles marathon. I'd told the head coach at the beginning of the season that we would be pursuing infertility treatment.
The next step for us was IVF. While Dr. Buyalos allowed me to exercise during my two week wait (after the IUI), I would have to cut back my running and would not be able to exercise at all following the egg retrieval.
This was to be my third year running Surf City. At year 3, you become a legacy runner. And, I wanted to be a part of that group. So, we scheduled the IVF process around Surf City.
We let a cycle come and go. When the next cycle began, I started birth control pills in preparation.The bcps were miserable for me- they made me very bloated and I was always hot. Poor David- I had to sleep with the fan blowing (and this was in January and February!). David ended up sleeping in a sweatshirt.
IVF was on the way, and I became a legacy runner.
The next step for us was IVF. While Dr. Buyalos allowed me to exercise during my two week wait (after the IUI), I would have to cut back my running and would not be able to exercise at all following the egg retrieval.
This was to be my third year running Surf City. At year 3, you become a legacy runner. And, I wanted to be a part of that group. So, we scheduled the IVF process around Surf City.
We let a cycle come and go. When the next cycle began, I started birth control pills in preparation.The bcps were miserable for me- they made me very bloated and I was always hot. Poor David- I had to sleep with the fan blowing (and this was in January and February!). David ended up sleeping in a sweatshirt.
IVF was on the way, and I became a legacy runner.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Where do we go??
After what we went through with Dr. Chang, there was no question we were not going back to her. I called a dear friend of mine who had been through IVF herself and has two beautiful boys. I decided to ask her about her doctor and clinic. I remembered that her doctor was even farther than Dr. Chang's office in Beverly Hills, but at this point we had nothing to lose and we were willing to drive further if it meant being treated by a good doctor.
My friend told me all about Dr. Richard Buyalos at Fertility and Surgical Associates in Thousand Oaks, CA. I remember her telling me how warm and easy-going he is. Going through infertility can be very stressful. Needless to say, Dr. Chang exaccerbated the stress I already had. I needed a doctor who does not cause his patients unneccessary stress.
I called Dr. Buylaos' office the next day, and he fit us in the day after (November 20,2010). His office is 55 miles from our house, but well worth the drive. David and I immediately felt at ease. The waiting room was filled with "normal" people.
At our initial consultation, Dr. Buyalos felt it was worth it to try one more IUI- this time with both clomid and follistim. Again, he felt there was no explained reason why I couldn't try a 3rd IUI.
For those unfamiliar with infertility treatment, it is a lot of appointments. And, they are early morning appointments. If you're not an early bird, you will learn to become one! I had my final IUI on 12/07/2010. On 12/28/2010, we found out it did not work.
My friend told me all about Dr. Richard Buyalos at Fertility and Surgical Associates in Thousand Oaks, CA. I remember her telling me how warm and easy-going he is. Going through infertility can be very stressful. Needless to say, Dr. Chang exaccerbated the stress I already had. I needed a doctor who does not cause his patients unneccessary stress.
I called Dr. Buylaos' office the next day, and he fit us in the day after (November 20,2010). His office is 55 miles from our house, but well worth the drive. David and I immediately felt at ease. The waiting room was filled with "normal" people.
At our initial consultation, Dr. Buyalos felt it was worth it to try one more IUI- this time with both clomid and follistim. Again, he felt there was no explained reason why I couldn't try a 3rd IUI.
For those unfamiliar with infertility treatment, it is a lot of appointments. And, they are early morning appointments. If you're not an early bird, you will learn to become one! I had my final IUI on 12/07/2010. On 12/28/2010, we found out it did not work.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Starting IVF...or not
I'm not quite sure what to title this entry... I will never forget the day, Monday November 15, 2010 when my world literally fell apart. My cycle had started, and I went for my first ultrasound and bloodwork. Later that morning, while at work, I get a phone call from Dr. Chang. She told me that for some reason she had just gotten the result of our bloodwork from August 2010. Dr. Chang stated that my bloodwork had shown HIV antibodies. I was at work when she called. I had been expecting her to call and tell me that I would be starting birth control pills in preparation for IVF. I was upset, scared, shocked. I knew at that point that I would not be able to clearly hear anything else she had to say and asked her to call my husband. She agreed to do so.I only remember her saying something about seeing an infectious disease specialist at Cedar Sinai who does not take my insurance.
A million different things went through my mind. If this was true, how could I have gotten it? I was working per diem social work in the hospital ER, but had never come into contact with blood. If I did have it, had I given it to my husband? Over three months had passed between the test and being told this news.
I next called my husband. Dr. Chang had called him, but had not left a message. I could not stay at work and decided to go to the ER at the hospital I work per diem at- Henry Mayo. I know there are perks to being a hospital employee, and I couldn't have asked for better care. I had my bloodwork taken, and the results were negative. Dr. Sutter was very reassuring. On our way out of the ER, he told my husband, "Now go get her pregnant!" We celebrated with dinner and drinks.
The next day, my husband was on the phone with Dr. Chang when I came home from work. He put her on speaker phone. She spoke to me as if I was a child who had done something wrong. She told me that I had not been compliant with her directions, that the test from the hospital was not "good enough", and I "must" see the infectious diease specialist for further testing. According to Dr. Chang, she would not proceed with IVF unless I had the most definitive testing.
I went to see the specialist and paid $200 out of pocket. Dr. Geemee Chung was very sweet. She explained that there are some additonal labs to "completely" rule it out, but most likely this was a false positive.
Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions...I was not told I was completely in the clear until two days before Thanksgiving. When Dr. Chung called and told me the news, she had said she would call Dr. Chang as well. Since the last conversation where I was told I was not being compliant with her directions, I never heard from Dr. Chang again.
A million different things went through my mind. If this was true, how could I have gotten it? I was working per diem social work in the hospital ER, but had never come into contact with blood. If I did have it, had I given it to my husband? Over three months had passed between the test and being told this news.
I next called my husband. Dr. Chang had called him, but had not left a message. I could not stay at work and decided to go to the ER at the hospital I work per diem at- Henry Mayo. I know there are perks to being a hospital employee, and I couldn't have asked for better care. I had my bloodwork taken, and the results were negative. Dr. Sutter was very reassuring. On our way out of the ER, he told my husband, "Now go get her pregnant!" We celebrated with dinner and drinks.
The next day, my husband was on the phone with Dr. Chang when I came home from work. He put her on speaker phone. She spoke to me as if I was a child who had done something wrong. She told me that I had not been compliant with her directions, that the test from the hospital was not "good enough", and I "must" see the infectious diease specialist for further testing. According to Dr. Chang, she would not proceed with IVF unless I had the most definitive testing.
I went to see the specialist and paid $200 out of pocket. Dr. Geemee Chung was very sweet. She explained that there are some additonal labs to "completely" rule it out, but most likely this was a false positive.
Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions...I was not told I was completely in the clear until two days before Thanksgiving. When Dr. Chung called and told me the news, she had said she would call Dr. Chang as well. Since the last conversation where I was told I was not being compliant with her directions, I never heard from Dr. Chang again.
Monday, April 18, 2011
November 2010- Moving on to IVF
Life is full of snafus. I've worked really hard to not sweat the small stuff and to just let it go.
After two failed IUIs, we met with Dr. Chang and decided to move on the IVF. I'd had 3 IUIs during my first marriage and 2 with Dr. Chang. She was also concerned that the procedures I'd had to fix my tube could have caused damage from all of the poking and prodding. At that time, we decided to move foward with IVF.
After two failed IUIs, we met with Dr. Chang and decided to move on the IVF. I'd had 3 IUIs during my first marriage and 2 with Dr. Chang. She was also concerned that the procedures I'd had to fix my tube could have caused damage from all of the poking and prodding. At that time, we decided to move foward with IVF.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The Power of A Support System
I can't stress enough how important it is to have emotional support throughout the infertility journey.
I have a very dear friend named Lora who is a Christian. I met Lora through her mother, Elaine. Elaine and I used to work together, and I became close with both of Elaine's daughters, Leah and Lora. My family is over 3,000 miles away. Their family welcomed me into theirs and have always included us in family gatherings. Lora is a LVN and also did one of my HCG trigger shots for me during my last IUI. At Christmas 2010, Lora and I sat together on the sofa chair and chatted. Lora was due to deliver her fourth baby in February. Lora knew we were getting ready to try IVF. The words that came out of Lora's mouth, stunned me.Lora told me that she had almost been a surrogate for another couple, but had decided not to for various reasons (which I can't share here). Lora told me that if David and I needed it, she would be a surrogate for us. She said she wouldn't ask for the huge fees that surrogates tend to cost. All I can say is, "Wow!" I told her how lucky we are to have her in our lives.
During our first IVF, Lora had been praying so hard for us and had asked her friends to pray as well. The day before the pregnancy test, she had also posted on facebook asking her friends to pray for a friend of hers.
My sister-in-law, Lisa, although quite a distance away, has been my other biggest support. She seems to always know what to (or what not to) say, called and texted often during my 2ww. She always told me how since she and my brother have two boys, I am going to be the one to have a little girl.
Then there is a person who probably has no idea what a support she has been to me throughout this process- my work colleague, Tammy. You see, we work on a team together, but since there are only two of us, we call ourselves "Two Peas in a Pod". During last Halloween, we even made a pumpkin dislay for the work contest. Tammy also tells me she is praying for us. Prior to our first IVF, she gave me a small egg-shaped purple note pad for "good luck". When we found out the first IVF didn't work, Tammy gave me a card which read, "Don't worry, sweetpea. You will have your own little pea in a pod soon".
My nephew Ben wishing for a cousin:
My dear friend Tammy gave me this card after my first failed IVF cycle. I hope to share good news with her soon.
I have a very dear friend named Lora who is a Christian. I met Lora through her mother, Elaine. Elaine and I used to work together, and I became close with both of Elaine's daughters, Leah and Lora. My family is over 3,000 miles away. Their family welcomed me into theirs and have always included us in family gatherings. Lora is a LVN and also did one of my HCG trigger shots for me during my last IUI. At Christmas 2010, Lora and I sat together on the sofa chair and chatted. Lora was due to deliver her fourth baby in February. Lora knew we were getting ready to try IVF. The words that came out of Lora's mouth, stunned me.Lora told me that she had almost been a surrogate for another couple, but had decided not to for various reasons (which I can't share here). Lora told me that if David and I needed it, she would be a surrogate for us. She said she wouldn't ask for the huge fees that surrogates tend to cost. All I can say is, "Wow!" I told her how lucky we are to have her in our lives.
During our first IVF, Lora had been praying so hard for us and had asked her friends to pray as well. The day before the pregnancy test, she had also posted on facebook asking her friends to pray for a friend of hers.
My sister-in-law, Lisa, although quite a distance away, has been my other biggest support. She seems to always know what to (or what not to) say, called and texted often during my 2ww. She always told me how since she and my brother have two boys, I am going to be the one to have a little girl.
Then there is a person who probably has no idea what a support she has been to me throughout this process- my work colleague, Tammy. You see, we work on a team together, but since there are only two of us, we call ourselves "Two Peas in a Pod". During last Halloween, we even made a pumpkin dislay for the work contest. Tammy also tells me she is praying for us. Prior to our first IVF, she gave me a small egg-shaped purple note pad for "good luck". When we found out the first IVF didn't work, Tammy gave me a card which read, "Don't worry, sweetpea. You will have your own little pea in a pod soon".
My nephew Ben wishing for a cousin:
My dear friend Tammy gave me this card after my first failed IVF cycle. I hope to share good news with her soon.
Friday, April 8, 2011
SCRC- Two tries at IUI
We started our fertility journey with Dr. Wendy Chang at Southern California Reproductive Center in Beverly Hills. We chose her for many reasons, including she was educated at Harvard and well-known in the infertility field.
Let me start by saying the office is very posh, as are most of the woman (and couples) in the waiting room. I'm clueless when it comes to recognizing celebrities, however David recognized several in the waiting area. He always asked me after the fact, "Did you see so and so in the waiting room?" And, I hadn't. Because infertility is often a private and sensitive issue, I will not be sharing the names of those David saw.
Between August and November 2010, we tried IUIs twice with Dr.Chang. Prior to the first IUI, Dr. Chang did the uncomfortable dye test with my tubes, and both were clear (years back the right one had been blocked, and I had surgery in 2004). For the first IUI I was given clomid. For the second, we switched to injectables (follistim). She hadn't told me until 4pm that I would be doing follistim, and she also told me I had to start that evening. She ordered it to a pharmacy in Pasadena (near my work), so I could pick it up on my way home.
Something that should have been simple (picking up a prescription on my way home from work) was not.The pharmacy told me I would have to pay almost $900 cash for the follistim. Dr. Chang's office had not gotten it approved my insurance, and my insurance would only cover it through their mail order pharmacy because it's a specialty medication. I literally sat on the phone (at the pharmacy) for almost two hours trying to have my insurance cover the medication. Finally, an associate at the insurance told me he was able to authorize it, gave me his contact information, and advised me I could get reimbursed. So, out came the charge card.
I had never given myself a shot before. Dr. Chang's office had not shown me how to use the follistim pen (like an epi pen). On the way home, I ended up driving to the hospital where I work on the weekends. I can't say enough good things about Henry Mayo and the staff there, and I knew I'd be able to find a nurse willing to educate me on the injections. I'd called my friend ahead of time (who also works there), met her in the emergency room, and received the help I'd needed.
There was a total of 4 IUIs with Dr. Chang, because she did two on two days in a row. Both times I stayed home after the procedure and rested. Prior to the treatment, she'd had me cut back on my running, and I wasn't allowed to exercise at all for two weeks following each procedure. Both tries failed, and we decided to move on to IVF.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Hoping for Motherhood
David and I married on June 19, 2010. Because I'm 37yo and had had fertility problems during my first marriage (from 2002 to 2005), we decided to try right away for a baby.
Knowing that fertility treatment is costly, I did my research..I was elated to find out that my health insurance provides a $20,000 lifetime benefit for infertility treatment. Most people don't have any insurance for infertility and end up paying (or charging) tens of thousands of dollars. From working in health insurance, I also knew that I'd need to pick a clinic contracted with my insurance plan.
I realize I'm starting this blog (my first blog ever) almost eight months into our fertility journey. I ran across the blog of a high school classmate, and let's just say I was inspired. Her blog had nothing to do with fertility issues...it is about her life and her family, and it is shared with a raw honesty that is rare these days.
Our fertility journey started almost eight months ago. Throughout this process, there is so much I wish I'd captured on pen- our experiences, our thoughts and feelings, our hopes and dreams throughout the process. As we are getting ready for another go at it, I've decided to start putting my thoughts to pen.
Knowing that fertility treatment is costly, I did my research..I was elated to find out that my health insurance provides a $20,000 lifetime benefit for infertility treatment. Most people don't have any insurance for infertility and end up paying (or charging) tens of thousands of dollars. From working in health insurance, I also knew that I'd need to pick a clinic contracted with my insurance plan.
I realize I'm starting this blog (my first blog ever) almost eight months into our fertility journey. I ran across the blog of a high school classmate, and let's just say I was inspired. Her blog had nothing to do with fertility issues...it is about her life and her family, and it is shared with a raw honesty that is rare these days.
Our fertility journey started almost eight months ago. Throughout this process, there is so much I wish I'd captured on pen- our experiences, our thoughts and feelings, our hopes and dreams throughout the process. As we are getting ready for another go at it, I've decided to start putting my thoughts to pen.
The small Fertility Buddha I bought at the start of our jounrey in July 2010. I found this in San Francisco's China Town, and it has been by my bedside ever since.
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