Last appointment with Dr. Buyalos today. HR was 144 bpm. Cashew measured perfect today- 9w 6d.

So I decided it was time to share my pregnancy news with my boss. I sit in the California office, and she is in the Maryland office. We usually meet (by phone) once every two weeks. However, there is no privacy so I decided to email her--

Hi, Lora,

I know we don't have another meeting scheduled for a while, and I wanted to touch base with you. (It is a little weird for me to share this through email, but I don’t want others around to hear a conversation). First off, I needed to let you know that I am pregnant. This was a much unanticipated surprise for my husband and I. As I previously shared with you, we had gone through several cycles of IVF to conceive Sadie. I am currently 10 weeks along and am due 01/03/2013. I saw my specialist this morning, and everything was looking right on track. I will have a few appointments coming up, and I am open to either coming in earlier or taking PTO. For these appointments, please let me know if you'd like me to come in earlier (at 7am) or take PTO, as I am flexible and hope to minimize any impact on business.

Thanks in advance,Jessica

Sadie Rose wearing her "I'm going to be a big sister" onesie at home today.

When I see my OB/GYN in a few weeks, I am going to ask about the P17 shots. I'm hoping to make it to term with Cashew. http://www.marchofdimes.com/pregnancy/pretermlabor_progesterone.html

After IVF, some couples get pregnant without help. In a study, among the parents who'd had a baby through IVF, 17 percent later had another child without assistance. I feel blessed to have been given this gift. http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/05/03/us-after-ivf-pregnant-idUSBRE84212L20120503

05/24- Cashew measured perfectly this morning at 8w!

HR was 147! One more appointment with Dr. Buyalos on 06/06.

The onesie I've ordered (in Kiwi) for Sadie Rose.http://www.cafepress.com/mf/18887256/butterfly-big-sister-to-be_bodysuit

Here is a bedding set I love. Sadie Rose's theme is butterflies. If we have another girl, I love the idea of a bunny theme with the walls painted in sage.http://www.albeebaby.com/kids-line-bunny-meadow-6-piece-crib-bedding-set.html

Currently 6w 6d and was able to see the beautiful lightning bug heartbeat. Cashew measured 6w 4d.

 

 

Because my progesterone levels are still on the lower side, we decided to use the PIO shots again (they have a much better absorption rate).



First PIO shot is all filled and ready to go. David thought he'd forgotten how to give the shot to me but did perfect!

Introducing Cashew! It's still too early for a heartbeat, but it was great to see the gestational sac and fetal pole. Dr. Buyalos estimated my due date at 01/03/2013. Since Sadie Rose's nickname is Peanut, we wanted to give this baby another nut nickname. David came up with Cashew. Results are in..hcg went up to 6300!

My first blood test on 05/06 showed my hcg level at 1900. My progesterone was low at 15, so I was started on prometrium. Beta on 05/08 was 2,835 and progesterone went up to 19. I also started baby aspirin.

David and I got the shock of our lives on 05/04/2012. My period was 5 days late.

In support of NIAW, here is information on the costs of IVF. Many may not be aware, but most people do not have infertility benefits and very few states actually mandate these benefits. Unfortunately, because of the financial burden, many can not afford to pursue IVF. For us, we were fortunate to have some coverage but did incur debt from maxing our lifetime benefit before we finished our treatmen...t, and certain parts of our treatment were not covered at all. Therefore, any future plans to ttc #2 are on hold.

The average IVF cost is $12,000, but it can be as much as $15,000. These prices are for one cycle of IVF. This often does not include the price of medications, which can cost upwards of $6,000.

If you have frozen embryos from a previous cycle and want to use them, doing so is significantly cheaper than doing a complete IVF cycle with fresh embryos. The average cost for a frozen embryo transfer (FET), is about $3,000.

Additional Costs for IVF Options
While basic IVF costs around $12,000, if you need additional assisted reproductive technologies, the cost will be higher. For example, ICSI treatment (where a single sperm is injected directly into an egg) may be an additional $1,000 to $1,500. PGD, genetic testing of embryos, may be around $3,000 or more. Embryo freezing, including the initial freezing and storage, may cost an additional few to several hundred dollars.

In honor of NIAW:

I've really been struggling. I've been dealing with painful memories of when my water broke early and I was hospitalized for 22 days. During that time, I also developed pneumonia and was in icu for 4 days. I'd never been more scared in my life. They were going to intubate me and take Sadie. I'd even given David my permission to marry again if I didn't make it. He never cries, and I saw him break down. I'm from Georgia. Despite my critical health, my family didn't feel it necessary to fly out and see me. David was working (and still does) 60 hours a week and couldn't always see me every day. I had a handful of wonderful friend's come visit and awesome nurses. However, the loneliness and fear I had was unbearable. I cried almost every day (I don't remember a day I didn't cry). I'd never felt so alone and scared in my life.

When Sadie was born, the hospital I was at didn't have a NICU. I briefly held her but didn't see her again for 4 days. I came home to a very messy home, and my dogs clung to me. I visited my daughter in the NICU every day, cleaned all of her clothes and bedding. Nothing had been ready. Three weeks later, she came home. David's parents were supposed to come out and help but couldn't at the last minute. After so much bed rest, I had little energy but did eveything I could. I'm still sad and continue to deal with these painful memories. It actually helps to be back at work and have my mind preoccupied.

 I just feel that deep down I am very sad that this will likely be my one and only pregnancy, it was filled with so many complications that I was constantly worried, and I really feel so let down by family and even friends.

I want more than anything to have a second child and give my daughter a sibling. I'd even purchased extra meds for another cycle. We'd gone to see my re and he'd said he'd give us a great deal to try again. Well, weeks later I get the call from the clinic, and this "deal" is beyond our financial means. We have a lot of debt from the IUIs and two IVFs, and more debt is out of the question. I'm struggling to really acknowledge that "this is it" for us kid-wise.

I'm also really struggling with my weight. I've been eating healthier and jogging (slowly) 5-6x/week. My weight has not budged, and I still need to love over 35 lbs. I'm unhappy with myself and frustrated. I'd called my OB about my weight, and he ust told me I needed to eat less and exercise more. My thyroid is normal.

After the crap week I've had (my good friend had her last go at IVF which did not work and another friend delivered a stillorn at 19 weeks), I was so excited to go to my friend Jenn's house for a girls' night. And, the wonderful thing about Jenn is that Sadie was invited, too (she knows I couldn't come without her and had said, "she's a lady, too!)

I am friends with five of the nine girls who were there. I met Jenn through my husband (they used to work together), and most of the girls there work together. So, they all knew about the difficult pregnancy, etc.

There were some questions and comments made that really bothered me. We've all heard them before, I know I'm sensitive, but it didn't make it any easier.
...
I was asked by one girl when we'll be trying for a second baby so that Sadie will have a sibling. Our appointment with our RE (Dr. Buyalos) is Monday morning, and this subject is fresh on my mind. I was ready to go off on her, and I said, "She will probably be our only child. We can't afford another $20,000." I wanted to cry, but held it together.

One of my friends was talking about how she'd done clomid for 3 cycles, stopped, and "just got pregnant". Another girl then had to chime in, "That's always how it happens..once you just relax and stop trying." My face must have been bright red, and my friend Jenn then made the comment, "Or you can go through tons of treatments and spend all of your money and still may not have a baby". She knows the hell we went through.

I'm sharing all of this because I am sad and very nervous about our appointment on Monday. I'm so scared our RE is going to say congratulations on Sadie and that unfortunately he's sorry, that there will be no free cycle.

Made an appointment for next Monday morning with my RE, Dr. Buyalos. We're going to have him meet Sadie and ask for some kind of break when we're ready to try for #2.

Last night I went to a Resolve Support group (Resolve is a national infertility organization). I'd gone during my last IVF cycle, and due to complications with my pregnancy, this was the first time I could go again. It was really nice to sit and chat with these other women. I did feel a bit guilty, as I was the only one there who has gotten pregnant and given birth. While I was there, I thought of all you wonderful ladies and how nice it would be to sit in a room together and just chat...as we all know so much about one another :-)

I've also got some ideas now to try for baby #2- with my last cycle, because I ovulated early and lost 4 eggs, my RE had made a promise if it didn't work to give us a cycle. Obviously it worked. But because we don't have any frosties, I am going to get the courage to ask for that free cycle. The worst he can do is say no. Another option mentioned was the mini IVF. One woman there got a package of 3 cycles for $8,500. I didn't make that many eggs anyway, so I figure it's something worth looking into. And I imagine not being on so much medication is less stress on the body. I just need to see if my RE would do it, or I need to find an Re in the Los Angeles area.

Very disappointed. David had added me to his new medical insurance. I made the call today to inquire about infertility benefits, and there are none. We will be trying naturally in a few months for #2, but I was still hoping we'd have some medical coverage as a back up. Right now, and no time in the forseeable future, could we afford another $10,000+ to try for a second baby. I am very grateful for Sadie and need to count my blessings.

Beautiful Butterfly Nursery

I received the brown bear (with a puppy floral arrangement) when I was in the hospital. It's from two good friends of mine, Amber Shaffer-Farrell and Carole Jeremy Shaffer. The sweet Special Moments figurine from one of my closest friends, Heather Dowd. And the beautiful butterfly prop from my dear college friend, Lainie Gutterman.




Closet shelves complete with bunny bookends, books, stuffed animals, wedding photo of baby's mom and dad, sonogram photo, ballerina figurines from grandma's childhood, and baby bank.

My friend Cara Deutch Sperandeo gve Sadie the sweet Gund elephant (on the bottom shelf), and my Australian friend Elisha Gare gave Sadie the brown and black puppy (on the second shelf).

Because it wasbackordered, it took almost five months to arrive. Sadie's lavender shaggy raggy rug finally came on 01/26/2012.

After all I went through to have Sadie and the risk to myself and her, I really didn't think I'd ever want to go through a pregnancy again. Every day I look at her, I am amazed and beyond grateful. David has always said he wanted another and has been talking more about it. I really don't want her to be an only child and would love for her to have a sibling. After what I went through, would you take the risk again? I'm 38 years old and of course the clock is not on my side. When would be a good time (if we do) to try for #2? Also, by trying I mean naturally. We have a lot of debt from previous attempts and aren't looking to do another ivf any time soon. There is the possibility that David's new insurance may have some infertility coverage.

At my last appt with my OB, he had the "talk" with me about contraception. I told him we weren't planning to use any. My infertility is unexplained. He told me about a couple who had gone through eight cycles of IVF, had a baby, didn't use protection, and were pleasantly surprised to naturally get pregnant with #2. I'd love to have that happen!

Due Date Photo- 01/21/2012

Today was my due date. Sadie Rose now weighs 6 lbs 1 ounce. She's come a long way from 12/5/11 and only just 3 lbs 15 ounces.

Heading to see my OB. The past two days I've had heavy red bleeding and am now having to change my pad every 2 or so hours. It's been over 5 weeks since I gave birth. The bleeding had seemed like it was over. I've been feeling exhausted. Other than caring for Sadie, I pretty much laid in bed the past two days. The day before that I did a lot of housework..maybe I did too much. Called OB for advice, and they wanted me to come in.

***

Everything is ok. Dr said it's either a hematoma bleeding out or my first period. He also ordered labs to make sure I'm not anemic and that my thyroid med doesn't need to be adjusted.

One month old- 01/05/2012